From The Heart
The silence here is mind shatteringly deafening
Where are the voices in my head?
Deserted I stand, haunted by nothing but nothingness.
I look up at the house.
That house which once held my hopes and fostered my dreams.
The air of gloom that hangs there now is potent to my lungs
What perils awaits me?
A broken relationship between a father and his child.
Duplicate personalities, generations apart.
Crude, uncaring, unapologetic eyes stare down at me from the maleficent tower which was once my home
i meet that stare with one of my own.
Cold, and indifferent
Oh how time has molded me to be the exact replica of him.
The gloom creeps up on me again,
Turning now into an air of bitterness
The mad man that lives within me has begun to stir
He spews Thunderous rapids of resentment
They erupt within my head and for a brief moment I miss the deafening silence
I quiet him down
Today is not the day for a clash of the personalities,
Today I bury all thoughts of abandonment and feelings of hatred
Today I end the me that was.
When the night is dark and the world has gone to sleep.
When the moon shines down and caresses the moment with its nocturnal beauty.
When he birds have ceased their song and the crickets begin their orchestration…
I lay awake and think of you
As the sun emerges from beyond the horizon,
The morning dew sprinkles down on the flowers and trees,
As the birds flex their wings and tweet their salutes
I lay awake with thoughts of you
With the pitter of the raindrops that saturate the earth,
The ebb and flow of the ocean that kisses the coastline, .
As the flowers bloom in and out of season…..
The iceberg melts,
The levees break
I’m constantly plagued with thoughts of you.
Sereta A. Thompson
When you look at me, what exactly is it that you see?
Look closely! Pass the smile and composed demeanor,
Look within my eyes.
Look past the outward beauty and you’ll find deep, inner sadness.
Hurt feelings and hidden emotions.
Un shed tears burning to the core like flames engulfing parchment paper.
Can you see the shattered soul,
The battered heart?
Do you sense the insecurities?
Feel the painful truth behind my silence?
You wonder why I don’t speak,
Often I don’t know what to say
Often there is a hovering fear that my thoughts, if voiced will be rejected.
My opinions frowned upon and my entire self being judged.
Sereta A. Thompson (2011)
Image Posted on
Whilst stumbling across my myriads of poems from yesteryear, i came across this. Its probably not the best i’ve written but it did bring back thoughts and emotions i thought i had forgotten. The universe is playing tricks on me again!
You say one thing
Yet you mean another
You try to be up front
While hiding beneath a cover
Why are you so selfish?
And why so ignorant?
What exactly does love mean to you
Or should I say, meant?
I’ve never known someone so fake
Someone who can’t speak the truth
Someone so terribly insecure
Someone so cruel, someone like you.
Why did you have to be like this
You started off quite fine,
You would always say how much you care
I guess that was just another “line”.
I just sit around and remember
How much I used to enjoy your name
And how I so dearly loved
To play your little game.
But now finally I know
That you aren’t at all what I thought
And its a damn shame too,
Because I really liked you….a lot
Sereta A, Thompson (2011)
I remember when i wrote that, I was going through lets call it a ‘phase’ where i though i was in love with everybody and they had no right to not love me back. I do believe that year was a turning point in my life as the eighteenth year usually is though i was actually turning nineteen that year (mind scramble)
Anyway, it was the year i rebelled against my father, the year i started University and the year of my very first heartbreak…or was that 2010???
The tittle is strange, i just remembered i wrote another poem “The Truth” which was quite lulling… i guess i had to do a followup.
That was that.
I know that I cannot have you
Yet I yearn for you with the greatest part of me.
A tender yearning that is neither sexual nor intimate,
But rather touches emotions stemming from a dept of my soul I didn’t know existed.
I yearn for your voice,
For your smile.
I yearn for your heart.
I long for the day when our two worlds will become such where it is ok for you to love me.
I yearn for your love.
I yearn for your lips;
Caressing me with words so comforting and tender.
I yearn for your words,
Original thoughts that introduce me to your spirit.
(To be continued…)
– Sereta A. Thompson
December 30, 2013
For a long time I struggled with self-expression. I couldn’t get it right without portraying some form of attitude. I have now realized that sub consciously I developed a barrier which took the form of multiple eye rolls and uncalled for body language. Because of this unfortunately, I was not well favored.
From an earlier period in life I have mentally decided to shut out the world and become an introvert, I suppose I have psychological issues because I still feel that way now. I suppose I have low self-esteem as I always feel as if I am being judged and the automatic thing is for me to develop an attitude.
For such a long time I was afraid of you, I was afraid you didn’t like me, I was so afraid to talk to you because unintentionally I feared I would have an attitude that you did not approve of. It took a while for me to get over this mind frame and fear for my extended family.
I cannot forget the time you told us we had and I quote “ruined” your father’s life. I guess it was thoughts like those that drove me to a state of mental seclusion where feelings of unwantedness were ever present.
I remember when I yearned for a relationship with you. I wanted so much to be accepted and loved by you (and even daddy) but my pride (I suppose that’s what it was) would not allow me to forget all the feelings of hurt I was holding onto.
I don’t want to hold onto hurt anymore. I think I have reached a stage in my life where I want to start over with all my relationships, dismissing the feelings of resentment and anger and embracing new beginnings.
I want to apologize for all the wrongs I have committed against you in the past. All the attitude and nasty behavior and such.
I want to let you know that I am so grateful for all the opportunities you have granted me in life.
I wrote this letter as one in my series of “Settling Unresolved Emotions” I’m putting all my feelings out there in an attempt to overcome the hurt and feelings of abandonment that I have been holding onto. I want to leave these behind and start 2014 with no resentment or despair.
I sincerely hope this letter has done more good than harm.
All the best for the New Year to you and yours.
All my Love
Sereta A. Thompson.